From the archives

Let me tell you a story.

In the past decade, scientific literature came to recognize emotional disregulation as a key part of certain conditions like ADHD, and my less common diagnosis, developmental coordination disorder (DCD). Ginapp et al (2022) conducted a review of qualitative studies of adults with ADHD, says that certain clusters of emotional feelings are commonly expressed, but are not part of most definitions of the condition, and are not formally organized.

The following year, Ginnapp et al (2023) did their own qualitative study, with a series of focus groups of adults with ADHD. This was the first to ask about and give a formal definition to rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD). RSD is a proposed grouping of several symptoms regarding emotional control and reaction. They involve a sensitivity to rejection and criticism, and difficulty with mixed or ambiguous social signals. There is a strong tendency towards assuming people are mocking or teasing, which creates an accusatory social persona.

In short, this describes a lot of what I experience with other people, friends and strangers alike. My ability to see the plausible in someone's behavior towards me comes to feel solid. I do not necessarily believe certain interpretations of how people act towards me, but I also cannot put them out of my mind. So in practice is might seem like paranoia or obsession, though since my bipolar symptoms moderated some, I do not usually believe things to be rock-solid true. This is a distinction without a difference in the pit of my stomach.

ADHD and developmental coordination disorder have substantial overlap, with about half of DCD cases also having ADHD. As the half that does not, I lack the inattention or hyperactivity that typify the main types of ADHD, but the emotional disregulation symptoms are all very relatable and seem to have a common source. This is hard to say because DCD is not well known outside of specialist circles and family support groups, so getting academic studies on it is very difficult. Thus I have to peer through the frosted glass at a condition that actually gets grant funding.

That's enough for technical stuff I rarely write on here.

In the 2023 study, the authors remark "as commented on by participants
in this study, RSD may be a learned behavior secondary to being frequently rejected due to struggles with social interactions as opposed to a cardinal feature of ADHD." This caught my attention. I spent a lot of time thinking about my conditions in inherent terms, which is unusual in my overall worldview. DCD is diagnosed very young as a developmental condition, I was less than four years old when diagnosed and had already been placed in occupational therapy. My mother's side is so full of people with bipolar disorder, it's hard for me think about environmental effects on my development of my mental illness in its present form.

RSD is interesting as some people who meet the definition, who identify RSD by name, think they developed it over time. Perhaps as a protective mechanism, maybe as a maladaptive reaction to stigma. I don't really talk about my past much, or at least my childhood, in general and in therapy. I do think RSD aspects can be found that far back though, my emotional trials crested smoothly into adulthood. I do not have eras psychologically, more changes as a mastering board shifts an album's sound.

So I get to go poking in the past, and see if a door sticks more than it's supposed to. Wish me luck.

Artemis