Crowning mercy

J. Artemis

17 Dec 2024 — 1 min read

Let me tell you a story.

Several years back, I was listening to a history podcast, Mike Duncan's excellent Revolutions, who mentioned a euphemism for the execution of Charles I in the English Civil War. The final act was the crowning mercy.

The first post of this blog was entitled "A radical act of kindness." It concerned ending friendships, intimate relationships, and family ties. Though very difficult, informing people of why you are leaving, and giving them a chance to change in the future, was a recognition of someone's humanity. Kindness is not nice, it is a form of respect. Social nicety often makes things worse, gives everyone involved the sense that things are okay, they can be salvaged, I'm sure

I'm sure

I've normalized so much, I think I'm happy, people are compatible with me, my sex life isn't a slow moving disaster. What a horrible way to have lived, and to still live in its creeping shadow!

To enter the gallows is to understand that this could be it, the end. I'm incredibly loss-averse in an ultimately self-defeating manner. I don't want to enter the gallows, to have that sense of finality. I want something, anything, however inadequate, than face the risk of having nothing. But I also can't tolerate the ambiguity. Why wait on the mystery box, only to find it is empty?

Which is to say, I'm ready.

Let's do this.

Artemis

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